Oh, we fought again. I don't even want to talk about the content here. I was upset and too upset. I was doing laundry and had an excuse to get up and leave at one point. Then I was crying in the kitchen, not wanting to engage him, while at the same time wanting him to come find me.
He did come find me. And eventually it was late at night--the fight lasted so long. I cried and he cried.
So that was a week ago? Things got totally better. But last night we were at a pizza place and it got sort of reactivated. We were having this beautiful time, and we were making out in the booth--he said all was right with the world, and I whispered into his ear, "No, all is not right with the world--your cock isn't in my mouth," like having his cock in my mouth was the most important thing in the world to me. Our evening was sexually charged and I wanted to eat the pizza with him and go home and have sex with him.
But then he mentioned this thing I don't want to mention here and I was so turned off. I felt like it was insensitive for him to mention this thing when we were working toward something. I felt like we were on a date, and it wasn't the thing to mention on a date, not if you wanted to get laid, and I deeply wanted us to get laid.
So at first I tried to act like nothing was wrong because I hate myself for being so sensitive and easy to hurt. But it really doesn't work. I'm learning to speak up so we can work past it as quickly as possible.
As we walked to the truck, I told him how I felt, and he was sad, but he seemed to understand. We were driving home, and I didn't want to go home. "Can we not go home?" I asked. He said maybe we could go to the park--it was still light. It's summer.
So we sat in the truck, talking more, and the late afternoon light shone through. It was beautiful. Everything felt so real. We spoke of our love.
"Do you like me enough to marry me, but you just don't want to get married ever again?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Because I like you enough to marry you," he said.
"Aw--you're so sweet," I said. My heart overflowed with his kindness.
"So maybe we should just act like it," he said.
"You mean, be pretend married?" I asked.
"Will you be mine?" he asked.
"I already am," I said. "That's what I mean when I say I'm yours."
"I'm yours too," he said. We were cuddling, which is hard to do because the seats aren't so close, and all this talk of love made my clitoris alert.
So then we went home and cuddled more in bed and had amazing sex even though we had already had sex earlier in the day. I was lying next to him, close to him, telling him my fantasies.
"I want you to be standing up, and I would be kneeling and looking up at you. You would hold onto the back of my head and make me take your cock deeper into my mouth. You would tell me how to suck your cock, using imperative sentences." I imagined his hands on the back of my head and him telling me to suck his cock. I imagined gagging on it and getting off on his greed.
Then somehow it was happening--he wasn't standing up, but we were lying together--it was late at night--and I was going down on him, with his hands on the back of my head. It felt so, so sexy. I had wanted this for so long.
First I was kissing his cock. I was nuzzling his balls too. Then he told me to put my tongue at the tip of his cock, to push my tongue into his urethra, which I did. He made happy sounds. He told me to swirl my tongue around the head of his cock, which I did. He loved it and told me so.
Then he told me to take his cock all the way into my mouth. I did so, and he groaned. He moved my mouth up and down the shaft of his cock, very deeply, just a small amount in and out, almost all the way in. We moved together in this way.
Then he warmed me that he was going to come. I was excited. I was sucking and knew it would be a small amount of semen because he'd come just a few hours before, and I knew I was going to swallow it. I was secretly delighted with this knowledge. He continued to fuck my mouth, and he was gasping and moaning. Then he stopped, and I felt his cock spasm with come as he ejaculated. He came at the beginning of my throat, and I swallowed joyfully. Then I gave him a big smile and we kissed and cuddled.
Afterward, we talked about it. He said he liked playing with the edge, how much holding my head was okay. I said that turned me on too. "Did you like it when I swallowed your come?" I asked.
He said he did, but he didn't want to say so because he wanted to make sure that was what I wanted. Months ago I specified that I don't swallow, so I was breaking my own rule.
I had never felt so close to him. I was thrumming with happiness. We were thrumming with happiness together.