on impregnation fantasies and being his hole

"I want to be your hole," I told him.  We were making out in bed, both naked.

"I want you to be my hole," he told me.  I was thrilled to hear it.  I had been reading some writings by the famous sexblogger Jefferson, and that was a phrase I saw in a post.

I also talked to boyfriend about my impregnation fantasies.  "I want my sperm to swim, swim up inside you and reach your egg and enter it," he said.

I laughed.  "I don't mean impregnation fantasies on such a cellular level," I said.  "I mean more on a social level."

I told him what I wanted to hear--sentences like "I want you to have my baby" and "I want to make you pregnant."

"I want my baby inside of you," boyfriend told me.  It was so sweet.  It's complicated since of course I don't want to be a mother, not ever, and boyfriend got a vasectomy in February.  So we're just pretending.

Talking about being his hole...I said I wanted Eduardo to fuck me and tell me, "Be my hole, bitch."  Boyfriend covered my eyes with his hand and said, "Be my hole."

"You're going to be Eduardo?" I asked.  "Like that?"

"Suck my cock, bitch," he told me.  I laughed and did as I was told.  I sucked his cock very well.  Then I stopped, lay on the side, looked him in the eyes.

"Now would be a good time to ask me, 'Did I say you could stop sucking my cock, bitch?'" I said.

"Did I say you could stop sucking my cock, bitch?" he asked.

Again I laughed and did as I was told.  I'm too sleepy to recount the rest to you, but I am so happy with boyfriend, I'm delirious.

Oh, I wanted to tell you boyfriend said something about wanting to have a baby with me, and I said, "I don't want to have a baby with Eduardo!  Eduardo's baby would be nasty!"  (I think Eduardo is kind of mean.)

special

Today boyfriend was licking my pussy for a long time.  I was whimpering with how close I was to coming for him.  He licked me hard and aggressively.  I could tell he wanted me to come.

Then I made the motion for him to surface and kiss my mouth, a motion like a little kid wanting to be picked up.  He acquiesced and kissed me gently.  I tasted the juices of my own cunt from his mouth.  We kissed, and I rubbed my cunt up against his body.  I rubbed my cunt against his soft penis until it was hard, and he entered me suddenly.

It was exactly what I wanted.  We moved together.  He fucked me beautifully.  I wanted to come so badly.  I wordlessly asked if I could rub my clitoris with my right hand's middle finger, and I rubbed it as he fucked me.  His cock slipped out of me a few times, because of the angles of our bodies, and I got frustrated.

I pulled him closer to me, so he was above me but on his elbows, and we moved together closely.  We started to breathe together, loud breaths.  I was getting close to coming, and I could tell he was too.  I was excited by the thought that we might come at the same time.

I could feel the sweat on our bodies--it was hot outside today--and I liked the wetness.  He fucked me hard.

Then he was coming, and I pressed up against him hard and kept moving against him as he stopped thrusting.  Then a cry escaped my mouth as I was coming right after him.  His penis got soft and slipped out of me, so I finished coming without him inside me.

I was so happy, but he was very sleepy.  He fought to stay awake for about ten minutes of post-sex cuddle as we said sweet and loving things to one another.

"That was special to me, that I got to come with you inside me," I told him.  He agreed.

hit

Today I took a shower and came to bed naked.  "It's hot in here," boyfriend said.  "Should I take my clothes off too?"

I smiled.  He took off his pants.  "Take off your shirt," I told him.

Then we made out--he touched my tits, and I was horny.  I wanted him to fuck me.  I wanted that big, hard cock deep inside me.

But I wanted to be called names.  "Can Eduardo fuck me?" I asked.  "I want to be called names."

"Okay," he said.

"Can we review what names I want to be called?" I asked.  "Do you remember?"

"I don't remember," he said.

"Slut, come slut, little slut," I said.  "Whore, little whore," I added.  "I want him to call me a bitch, but that's advanced.  I don't think I'm ready for that today."

"Okay," he said.

"And I want him to slap me," I said.  "And I want him to make me suck his cock."

Boyfriend agreed, and we tied the red scarf around my head so I couldn't see.

"Suck my cock, slut," he said.  I leaned toward him--he was kneeling to my right.  I found his cock with my mouth and sucked.

"Suck my cock, whore," he said.  He was touching my left nipple, and I touched my right.  I was getting wet and so aroused by him and his words.

His cock felt huge and wonderful in my mouth.  "Eduardo," I said.  "Do you love me?"

Boyfriend paused.  "I love it when you suck my cock," he said.

"You can call me a bitch while I suck your cock," I said.

"Suck my cock, bitch," boyfriend said.  I felt so happy and was longing with my entire being to be fucked.  I sucked him off happily.  But I felt his arousal grow, and I didn't want him to come that way.

"Will you fuck me?" I asked.

"Like this?" he asked as he climbed on top of me.

"I'll take it any way I can get it," I said.  "But this is what I'd like best."

He entered me.  I pushed up against him and whimpered.  This was what I wanted.

"Fuck me," I said as he did.  With every thrust my I felt validated and whole.  I was so close to coming.

"I want to come for you," I said.  "Eduardo?" I asked.

"Yes," boyfriend said.

I felt the changes in the motions of his hips.  Oh, I forgot to say he was holding me down.  I wanted him to hit me, but I didn't think he really could.

"Are you coming in me?" I asked as boyfriend stopped, deep inside me.

"Yes," he said, sort of gasping.

I enjoyed the spasms of his cock as I felt them in me.  Then he withdrew and touched my tits.

"I want you to come for me," he said.  I rubbed my clitoris with the middle finger of my right hand.

"Will you slap me?" I asked.

He slapped the left side of my face.  "Like that?" he asked.

"Harder," I said.

He slapped me harder.  "Like that?" he asked.  He had never done this to me before.

"Yeah," I said.  It stung, and he rubbed my nipples quickly as I rubbed my clitoris.  He would hit me and then go back to rubbing my nipples.  He slapped the right side of my face a few times too.

My eyes cried a little--I was already teary from gagging on his cock as I went down on him.  I anticipated his slaps.  I looked forward to them and dreaded them at the same time.  Meanwhile, I was getting closer and closer to coming.

"Eduardo!" I said.

"Yes?" boyfriend said.

"I love anarchist boyfriend," I told him.  But I said boyfriend's name.  It's like I wanted that clear as I came.

Boyfriend slapped me, I rubbed my clitoris, he rubbed my nipples.  And then I came.  I made a sound, and the feelings made me move.  It was intense and real, yet over somewhat quickly.  I tried to really feel it and live in that moment.

I kept my hand on my cunt for a long time.  And then boyfriend removed the scarf from my eyes.  We looked at one another.

"Thank you for giving me what I needed," I said.

"You're welcome," he said.  We cuddled, and I told him I had never felt so sexually bonded to someone.  He said yes.  And then we fell asleep together.

the blow job

"I want to give you a blow job," I told him.

"Okay," he said.  We had been making out for a while, and his cock was nice and big.

"I want you to lie down and put your arms behind your head, like this," I told him.  I demonstrated with my elbows bent and my hands behind my head.

I used to think the phrase "blow job" was so nasty.  I guess I still think so, a nasty phrase for a beautiful act.  And I like that.

I touched his chest and tummy.  Then I caressed his legs.  Then I settled in with his cock.  I touched his balls.  And I starting licking his stiff cock.

"Are you comfortable?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said.  I took him all the way into my mouth and did what I wanted to with him.  I made a rhythm with my sucking and the way I rode him with my mouth.  I would gag on him, back off, take it deep more, gag again.  The slick spit came from my throat, and I varied my speed and paid attention to his subtle cues of what he was liking best.

Because his hands were behind his head, I didn't have his hands to guide me or make me choke.  I really enjoy that, normally, but last night I wanted to be in control, for him to relinquish all control and just concentrate on the feelings.

I continued to go down on him, and his breathing changed.  "Tell me when you're going to come," I had told him before I started.  Then I corrected myself, "Tell me if you're going to come."  I didn't want him to feel pressured.

"I'm going to come soon," he warned me.  I continued but with more energy.

"I'm going to come," he told me, and he cried out as I felt his cock's first spasm, as hot come entered the entrance to my throat.  I continued as I felt spasm after spasm in my mouth.  And as he finished coming, I took a big swallow and swallowed it all.

I stayed there with his cock in my mouth for a while, feeling it relax.  Then I moved up the bed toward his head and kissed him.

"Did that feel good?" I asked.

"It felt great!" he said.

"Did you like that blow job?" I asked.

"I liked that blow job," he said.  I was so happy I had provided that experience for him.  I felt like a good girlfriend, and if I could keep giving him blow jobs like this, he would love me forever.

the prostitute

"I want to talk to you about something, but I'm scared," I said.

"Mmhm," he said.

"Tell me I don't need to be scared...because you love me unconditionally and because nothing can shock you--you're a nurse."  I laughed because that's an old joke of ours.

"You don't need to be scared--I love you unconditionally, and nothing can shock me--I'm a nurse!" he said.

I'm always so afraid he's going to think I'm dirty because of my fantasies and stop loving me.  I don't know why I'm so afraid of that.  But maybe I get off on the fear too.

Eventually, after more comfort and false starts, I began.

"So," I said.  "Today's the day you're going to the prostitute.  You get to the hotel room and open the door.  What do you see?"

I got him to tell me my own fantasy.  We talked about the prostitute.

"What do you say?" I asked.

"Hello," he said.

We talked about what the prostitute looks like.  Boyfriend defered to me.

"What do you think she looks like?" he asks.

"She looks a lot like me, but with bigger tits," I said.  "And what does she do?"

"She turns down the covers on the bed and sits down next to me.  Then she starts fondling my penis."

"Through your pants?" I asked.

"Yes.  Then she unzips my pants and takes my cock out."

"Is it hard?" I asked, even though I knew the answer to that question.

"Yes," he said.

"Then what do you do?" I asked.

"I take my clothes off, and I take her clothes off."  When he said that, I felt a pang of jealousy because he never undresses me.

"Do you touch her tits?" I asked.

"Yes," he said.

"Then what?" I asked.

"Then she sucks my cock," he said.

"How does it feel?"

"It feels really good."

"Then what?" I asked.

"Why don't you tell me what happens next?" he asked.

"Okay," I said.  "She pushes you back on the bed and spreads the lips of her cunt around your cock.  She takes you all the way inside of her, and she begins to ride you."

This whole time I was touching his cock with my hand.  I kept putting more spit on my hand so it was nice and wet.

"Do you like that?" I asked.

"Yes," he said.

"So you're watching her tits bounce and move as she rides you," I said.  I paused and cuddled to him.

"Then what happens?" he asked.

"Then you come," I said.  "You pump her full of your come, and you like it."

We considered my story.  "I can't decide what happens next," I said.  "In some versions, you decide you want her to come, so you go down on her, but I don't know if she can come that way."

"She can come that way," he said.

"Okay, so what happens?" I asked.

"I go down on her, and she loves it."

"What does she do?" I asked.

"She moans and says my name," he said.

"She doesn't know your name," I said.

"Oh," he said.  "She moans and comes."

We consider his addition to the story.  "What next?" he asks.

"Then you put on your clothes and leave," I said.  "How did it feel to have sex with someone you didn't love?" I asked.

"Uncomfortable," he said.

"Oh no!" I said.  "I thought it would be fun!"  I thought telling him my fantasy of him fucking a prostitute would satisfy some of his need for novelty and he could feel more free.  I thought one of the main goals of seeing a prostitute was that you could do things you couldn't do with your wife.  But maybe he wasn't deep enough into the fantasy to realize that?  Or maybe he already does everything he wants to, with me?

"How does having sex with me feel different?" I asked.  "It's loving?"

"It's loving.  It's comfortable.  It's happy.  It's safe," he said.

I keep looking for the dark underbelly of his sexual desires and not finding it.  I would like a good rape scene.  Does it not exist, or is it there and I'll never see it?