what I told him afterward

You're like god
but better.

phone sex

We were both on trips.  It was our first separation since we got together six months ago.  How did it go?  It went horribly.  Sometimes he didn't call when he said he would.  And once he hung up on me when some people walked into the room.  I felt unloved, like a low priority, without him, despondent, miserable.  I didn't know what to do.  I wrote him emails.  I wrote him a letter.  Sometimes he did call when he said he would.  But every time he was supposed to call, I got anxious.  Would he, this time?  It was terrible.

But after his conference, he was in the hotel lobby waiting until it was time for his taxi to come pick him up and take him to the train station.  I was at my parents' house.  It was around two in the morning his time.  I had been lying in bed, touching my nipples, as I waited for him to call me.

"How many times have you masturbated since you left on your trip?" I asked.

"Zero," he said.

"Oh my god!" I said.  "Why?"

"There's been no time," he said.

"Not in the shower?" I asked.

"No," he said.  Then he asked, "How about you?"

"Zero," I said.  I'd had no privacy until then.  And nothing sexy was going on.  I had been on a trip with my best friend E who is an ex but from so long ago it was a lifetime ago.  Our last night together, we lay in our respective hotel room beds telling secrets.  We did talk about sex, and it was a little titillating, but that's it for sexiness.

"Zero until now," I added.  He was in the hotel lobby, which was abandoned, and I touched my nipples again.

How did we begin having phone sex?  I reached into my underwear and started touching my slick clitoris, moaning quietly, saying his name, hoping my parents couldn't hear.  It had been...about five days, five or six days, since I had last come--this after our usual habit of sex every day.

"I love you," I said.  "I want you."

"I've loved you for a long time," he said.

He asked me if I could imagine him kissing me.  He told me, "I want to put my cock inside you."

"I want that too," I said, and I whimpered.

At one point some tourists came into the hotel lobby.  I heard their loud voices.  I can't remember what language they were speaking.  He moved away from them.

It was very quickly that I was coming, and I cried out for him as the waves of pleasure flowed through my body.  "Aw!" he said as I came.

"I love you," I said.

"I love you," he said.  "Now I'm cuddling you.  Now I'm petting your hair."

"Thank you," I said.

I was alone in the bed.  But I felt like he was with me.  In a way he was.

It was our first time having phone sex.  I'm hoping it was our last because I never want to be separated from him ever again.

forever

I was thinking about him going inside of me, no condom--I think about it a lot--I daydream about him pumping me full of his come.

But I was thinking realistically--what if he slipped himself inside of me with no condom on, just so we could feel what it felt like?  Just so we could have that experience?  Then I thought about pregnancy, how the other day he said something was inconceivable, and I said, "That's what our baby is--inconceivable."

So it was on my mind, and then he took a shower and I took a shower and we were in bed.  I went down on him for a moment.  Then he was on top of me like he often is.  I strained to get his cock on my vulva, strained to get his cock at the opening of my cunt.  I was happy when he let his cock be there.  We were kissing.  I pushed up against him so that his cock entered me a tiny bit.  What were we doing?

I pushed more, straining against him, so he slipped into me a little more.  How could we be doing this?  It was irresponsible and wrong.  "Do you want me to go all the way in?" he asked.  I nodded and smiled as he eased himself all the way up inside of me.

How did it feel?  My god, it felt good.  It was something I had never felt before, my loved boyfriend there inside me, so real and good.  It felt good physically and at the same exact time it felt so good emotionally.  I was experiencing the union I had wanted for so long.

I strained up against him more, trying to make him thrust.  He withdrew and kept his cock there at the opening of my cunt.  Again I pushed, and I was so happy when he allowed himself to enter me once more.  I cried out as he slipped all the way inside me.  He filled me.

"Fuck me," I thought but didn't say.  I wanted his thrusts.  I struggled around him.  Again he withdrew. Again I got him back.  I pushed my body against him as he was all the way inside me in a rhythmic way.  He reached for my left wrist and held it down, then my right.  I was ecstatic.

He told me he needed to be careful so he wouldn't come.  He withdrew and somehow he was lying on his back.  His cock was slick with my cunt's slipperiness, and I could see some of the fluid was white, at the base of his cock.  I took him in my mouth.

I couldn't believe how good he tasted.  I made him fuck my mouth, and I wanted his come in my throat so badly.  I sucked and sucked.  I could tell how good it felt for him, and he started to moan as he was getting close.

"I'm going to come soon," he said.  My heart was full of love as I took him deep and he moaned in the way he does when he's coming in my mouth.  I felt the come filling my mouth and felt his cock spasming.

I wanted to swallow.  I wanted the come inside my body forever, his come becoming part of me.

But I held onto his leg to keep contact with him as I spit his semen into a teeshirt.  Then I lay beside him, and I told him, "That was the hottest thing ever."  We cuddled close.  I moved his hand to my cunt, and he touched me there until I was coming too loudly.  Sorry, neighbors.

I wanted to say that as he fucked me, his eyes were rolled up in his head, and it was beautiful.  The whole thing was beautiful, and I will remember this day forever.

two questions

me:  How long will we be newlyweds?
boyfriend:  Does it need to end?

kisses

me: Does it seem like our life is one long cuddle session?
boyfriend: I can't think of a better way to live.

new best

Yesterday we were at a friend's house and had sex there.  The friend was moving.  She and her mom were doing a run, and anarchist boyfriend and I had the place to ourselves for half an hour.  We made out on the loveseat.  "Can I suck your cock?" I asked.

"We're at someone else's house," he said.

"It'll be okay," I said.

Then he opened his pants, and I knelt down to suck his cock.  It was beautiful to have him in my mouth.  And we worked toward his orgasm until he was coming.

Afterward I spit out his semen in the bathroom sink, and we cuddled.  Later we got a call that they would be gone another half hour, so I washed my hands and masturbated on the loveseat while he touched my nipples.  My shirt was pulled up, and my shorts were unzipped.  Behind us was a window, and the afternoon light shone into the room in a lovely way.

Then today, we went on a long walk.  We came home and I took a shower.  He was already in bed, and I asked if we could cuddle.  He put his computer away and took me in his arms.  He casually touched my left nipple as his hands stroked my naked body.  Soon I told him, "I want you.  I want your cock."

He got up to take off his underwear, and I saw his erection.  Then he lay on top of me, kissing me.  Then he went down on me, licking me gently at first, then hard, stoking my clitoris with his tongue.  I said, "Oh...oh.  That feels so good."  I also begged him, "Please," and, "Please do that to me."

I can't describe to you the actions he did.  He licked the top part of my clitoris up and down.  He licked the bottom side too, and sometimes licked both, flicking his tongue on the tip of my clitoris.  He swirled his tongue around on the underside of my clitoris.  I really liked that.  I really liked everything he did.

Then he took a break from cunnilingus, coming up to my head to kiss me.  I was a little sad he was done, but I understood.

Then he went down on me again.  I'm not sure if my clitoris had relaxed while he was kissing my mouth.  But it felt so good, what he did to me, that I was soon enlivened again.  He did the same things with his tongue.

Then he took another break, kissing me, and I hoped he wasn't done.  I reached down to caress his testicles.  They were soft and lovable in my hand.  I played with them and held them.  I touched his cock gently then masturbated him for a moment.

Then he went down on me again.  "If you do that more, I might come," I told him, when it felt so good, and I felt the intensification.

He stopped to kiss me again.  This time he said, "I'm going to put on a condom."  I was so, so happy he was going to fuck me.  I thought I might come with him inside me, something I'd wanted for a long time. "Please fuck me," I begged.  "I would give anything for you to fuck me."

Then he went down on me again.  I was disappointed, but for only a second, because his tongue on my clitoris again was amazing.  He went down on me as I moaned with pleasure.

Then he surfaced to kiss me again, and his hard cock was positioned right at the entrance to my cunt.  He slid in, like a hot knife through butter.  I felt the unique joy of having him inside me, and I almost came immediately.  I felt that yearning and the excitement.

He was deep inside me, and he began to thrust.  I felt again like I was about to come and didn't.  His body was close against mine, and he began to fuck me harder.  I made small sounds as I felt the near-fear anticipation of my orgasm.  It seemed inevitable.  I held onto his upper arms with my hands as my thumbs rubbed my nipples.

Then I knew it would happen.  Suddenly my legs moved from their somewhat-relaxed position--my pelvis tilted so he was as deeply inside of me possible.  I was grabbing onto his body, grabbing his back in an embrace so universal.  And gradually he rocked me into my orgasm, and I cried out as the pleasure pumped through my body.  I felt myself contract around his cock.  I felt a complete, pure sensation of contentment and peace.

Finally it had happened.  I felt like something very important had occurred.  I felt irrevocably bonded to him. I had finally come with his cock inside of me.  It was what I had wanted for so long.

We enjoyed the feelings.  We were still.  Then he began to fuck me again, deeply again, but with an animal force.  I listened to his rhythmic breathing as he fucked me.  I imagined that he was really turned on by the fact that he had made me come with his cock inside of me, imagined how happy he must be.  And he fucked me, and then he abruptly stopped, and I felt his cock spasm as he came inside of me.

Again we stayed like that for a long time.  We had been in a tight embrace, my legs wrapped around his legs.    I untangled our legs, and he moved his face to mine to kiss me.  "Hiya," he said.  I smiled.  My heart was full.

Then we cuddled close, and I told him, "I love you like I've never loved anyone else."

"I love you like I've never loved anyone else," he said.

"I want to tell you something, and I want you to respond compassionately," I said.  He agreed.  I said, "You give me the best sex of my life.  Together we make the best sex of my life.  You are the best lover I've ever had, and no one compares to you."

"We're perfect for each other," he told me.

"I want you to tell me that no one compares to me," I said.

"No one compares to you," he said.  "You're the best."

I told you a couple weeks ago, dear reader, about the most satisfying orgasm I'd ever had.  This sex that anarchist boyfriend and I had today supersedes that.

joyful girl

Oh, we fought again.  I don't even want to talk about the content here.  I was upset and too upset.  I was doing laundry and had an excuse to get up and leave at one point.  Then I was crying in the kitchen, not wanting to engage him, while at the same time wanting him to come find me.

He did come find me.  And eventually it was late at night--the fight lasted so long.  I cried and he cried.

So that was a week ago?  Things got totally better.  But last night we were at a pizza place and it got sort of reactivated.  We were having this beautiful time, and we were making out in the booth--he said all was right with the world, and I whispered into his ear, "No, all is not right with the world--your cock isn't in my mouth," like having his cock in my mouth was the most important thing in the world to me.  Our evening was sexually charged and I wanted to eat the pizza with him and go home and have sex with him.

But then he mentioned this thing I don't want to mention here and I was so turned off.  I felt like it was insensitive for him to mention this thing when we were working toward something.  I felt like we were on a date, and it wasn't the thing to mention on a date, not if you wanted to get laid, and I deeply wanted us to get laid.

So at first I tried to act like nothing was wrong because I hate myself for being so sensitive and easy to hurt.  But it really doesn't work.  I'm learning to speak up so we can work past it as quickly as possible.

As we walked to the truck, I told him how I felt, and he was sad, but he seemed to understand.  We were driving home, and I didn't want to go home.  "Can we not go home?" I asked.  He said maybe we could go to the park--it was still light.  It's summer.

So we sat in the truck, talking more, and the late afternoon light shone through.  It was beautiful.  Everything felt so real.  We spoke of our love.

"Do you like me enough to marry me, but you just don't want to get married ever again?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Because I like you enough to marry you," he said.

"Aw--you're so sweet," I said.  My heart overflowed with his kindness.

"So maybe we should just act like it," he said.

"You mean, be pretend married?" I asked.

"Will you be mine?" he asked.

"I already am," I said.  "That's what I mean when I say I'm yours."

"I'm yours too," he said.  We were cuddling, which is hard to do because the seats aren't so close, and all this talk of love made my clitoris alert.

So then we went home and cuddled more in bed and had amazing sex even though we had already had sex earlier in the day.  I was lying next to him, close to him, telling him my fantasies.

"I want you to be standing up, and I would be kneeling and looking up at you.  You would hold onto the back of my head and make me take your cock deeper into my mouth.  You would tell me how to suck your cock, using imperative sentences."  I imagined his hands on the back of my head and him telling me to suck his cock.  I imagined gagging on it and getting off on his greed.

Then somehow it was happening--he wasn't standing up, but we were lying together--it was late at night--and I was going down on him, with his hands on the back of my head.  It felt so, so sexy.  I had wanted this for so long.

First I was kissing his cock.  I was nuzzling his balls too.  Then he told me to put my tongue at the tip of his cock, to push my tongue into his urethra, which I did.  He made happy sounds.  He told me to swirl my tongue around the head of his cock, which I did.  He loved it and told me so.

Then he told me to take his cock all the way into my mouth.  I did so, and he groaned.  He moved my mouth up and down the shaft of his cock, very deeply, just a small amount in and out, almost all the way in.  We moved together in this way.

Then he warmed me that he was going to come.  I was excited.  I was sucking and knew it would be a small amount of semen because he'd come just a few hours before, and I knew I was going to swallow it.  I was secretly delighted with this knowledge.  He continued to fuck my mouth, and he was gasping and moaning.  Then he stopped, and I felt his cock spasm with come as he ejaculated.  He came at the beginning of my throat, and I swallowed joyfully.  Then I gave him a big smile and we kissed and cuddled.

Afterward, we talked about it.  He said he liked playing with the edge, how much holding my head was okay.  I said that turned me on too.  "Did you like it when I swallowed your come?" I asked.

He said he did, but he didn't want to say so because he wanted to make sure that was what I wanted.  Months ago I specified that I don't swallow, so I was breaking my own rule.

I had never felt so close to him.  I was thrumming with happiness.  We were thrumming with happiness together.