We were cuddling, and he was sleepy. I gave him some options. I really wanted to look at porn together but was too shy to ask. I wanted the sounds of porn. And I have a fantasy about going down on him while he watches porn of someone going down on someone. "We can keep cuddling, we can have sex, we can keep cuddling and have sex, you can unpack more boxes..."
"I like the first three," he said.
But he was falling asleep, and I suggested he nap while I took a shower. I took a shower and felt the warm water on my body. I washed my hair and got very clean. I imagined his tongue on my cunt--that's what I hoped would happen.
I went back to the bedroom, and my hair was dripping wet. He held his arms out to me. I was above him in bed, dripping water onto him.
Then we were cuddling again. Somehow I suggested that he give my nipples a lot of attention. I was happy but not satisfied.
"Would you go down on me?" I asked.
"Yes," he said, and he moved his head toward my cunt.
"It's been such a long time," I said.
He licked my clitoris, first gently then harder. I was excited, and he could hear that in the sounds I made. I touched my nipples. I wanted to come--I was straining toward him. I imagined him doing this to A, the one I love, other than anarchist boyfriend. I remember the first few times he went down on me, what a revelation it was of how good sex could feel, and I wanted to share him.
Then I wanted him to kiss my mouth, and he did. His mouth was slippery and fragrant from my cunt. I gently rubbed my clitoris as we kissed. My cunt was so wet from his mouth, and I touched its opening softly.
I decided to tell him what was going through my head. I wanted him inside me and wondered if my words would make him hard. "I want to see you go down on A," I said. "I want you to make A come. I want to see you fuck A. I want to see A go down on you. I want A to make you come." I imagined A's body and anarchist boyfriend's body joined in these ways, and I felt really turned on.
I was holding his cock, and I felt it get hard in my hand as I touched it. I felt the ridges at the head of his cock become defined, and I wanted to feel them with my cunt.
He positioned himself at the entrance to my cunt and eased himself inside of me. I rubbed my clitoris as he fucked me. And when I knew I was going to come, I removed my hand and pushed my body against him. I let his thrusts take me all the way there. My mouth was open wide in a voiceless scream as the pleasure hit me again and again.
"Do you like hearing my fantasies?" I asked him later.
"Yes," he said.
"Why is that?" I asked. "Because you feel closer to me?"
"Yes," he said. "And you to me?"
"I think so," I said. "But it's scary." It's scary to share my fantasies, and it can feel scary to come, too--to make myself that vulnerable to another person.
But I do it almost every day. I trust him.